I had never been one of those girls that was excited to have children. I wanted children one day...but that day was suppose to be in the FAR OFF FUTURE. And all those people who insisted that they wanted to be a stay-at-home mom....yeah...I thought they were out of their mind crazy! Don't you want to do more with your life? Go see the world, get an impressive career, make something of yourself! This was my dream.
SO. When I found out I was pregnant…I would be lying if I said I was excited. I was horrified. Scared senseless. ANGRY. I wasn’t ready! I wasn’t done living! I had so much more I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to get a Masters! And I had an awesome job offer! Brian and I were planning a trip to Thailand! Why now?! Now I was going to be ‘just a mom’? That’s so not me. I felt like my life was over. I was sick, on bed rest and convinced that I would never be satisfied with my life again. I felt like the very essence of who I was had been striped away. I felt betrayed that my Heavenly Father could let this happen to me. I had made other plans. I wanted to be more than this.
Now, I know I can't blame anyone but myself for having these views or feeling the way I did. But I do feel as though a part of who I believed I should be was shaped around what the world was telling me.…and it was the biggest lie I was ever convinced of.
I’m not going to say motherhood is easy or in anyway perfect, because it’s not. Motherhood is hard! (and I’m a new mom with only one little kiddling, so what do I really know?!) There is NO time off. It requires unimaginable patience and unattainable energy…all done in the name of love.
BUT, being a mom is the most beautiful thing I have ever been blessed to experience. Myla has taught me to love in a way I never knew was possible. I can honestly say that I never knew you could feel this much joy…THIS is what living is! She is my best pal. This perfect little girl has helped me draw closer to my Savior, and brought more love and light to my life than I ever could have imagined.
It’s interesting how Heavenly Father knew all along what would bring me the greatest happiness. He is preparing me in ways I still don’t understand…hopefully next time around I will be more willing to trust in Him.
This Mothers Day I can say that I am happy and proud to be a Mother. I now can say that I truly believe that being a mother is a divine calling. I know with a surety that this is the single most important thing that I will ever do. I am so overwhelmingly grateful for this beautiful love that comes with Motherhood.
Happy Mother’s Day all you Mamma’s! You are so loved!
